On Joy

Why is a therapist writing about joy? Aren’t we supposed to focus on treating all the bad, sad things?

Because healing the experiences that have made us sad, angry, and scared isn’t just about ending pain, but making space for joy and beauty.

When we’re focused on survival and avoiding pain, it can be hard to embrace pleasure. Our brains and bodies want us to stay alive and unharmed - why go to a dance party with strangers when you can stay home under the blankets where it’s safe and warm? And sometimes, staying home and avoiding potential threats, triggers, or sensory overstimulation is exactly what we need to protect ourselves and our nervous systems. Unfortunately, too often we focus so much energy on not feeling bad that we don’t have any capacity left to feel good.

Making things even harder, neurodivergent folks have often been told that the way they experience joy is wrong, or that prioritizing joy is silly and illogical. Yes, it can be, which is totally ok - it can also be a vital force that brings happiness, comfort, or meaning to our lives. Maybe your joy comes from seeing the same stage musical 50 times and listening to the cast recording on repeat. Maybe it comes from taking long baths, organizing your rock collection, or spending hours watching TikTok videos about your special interest.

We all deserve to be seen and heard in all of our complexity - the wounded parts and the joyful ones. What do you need so you can make space for joy?